Talking about long-term care needs with an elderly parent can be difficult. Knowing exactly what to say and how to approach it without coming off as rude or disingenuous can be difficult. However, when it comes to a loved one’s health, ensuring that they can live safely and happily later in life is the most important thing we can do. Having this conversation before a problem occurs, not after is very important. 

According to an American Association of Retired Persons survey 2/3 of adult children have never had this conversation with their parent(s). This is usually due to the fact that a lot of adult children don’t know how to initiate this type of talk or even what they should talk about. Because of this, here are some helpful tips:

  • Decide who’s going to be a part of the conversation. Sometimes a one-on-one talk is best; however, if you need someone to back up your points and provide support. It may be a good idea to get another one of your siblings or another family member involved.
  • Figure out which talking points you will speak on before approaching your parent(s), and set up a time and place to talk.
  • Express each idea as an opinion of yours rather than a need for them. This involves using a lot of “I” statements.  For example, choosing phrases like “I think” or “I need” rather than “you should” or “you need.”
  • Remind your parent(s) that everyone is there because they care and want to help keep them safe.
  • Maintain a calm tone. Don’t raise your voice, speak over your parent(s).
  • If your parent(s) immediately dismisses the idea of leaving their home, it may be best to put a pin in the issue for the moment and bring it back up at a later date.

Your conversation about the future doesn’t have to focus only on a caregiving plan. You may also consider talking generally with your Parent(s) about what is important to them as they grow older. This can include talking about how independent they’d like to stay, how much longer they want to work, how they can stay active in the community, or how they can continue their hobbies, etc. 

Talk with your parent(s) and family and develop the best plan for their long term care. If you do have any questions on housing please feel free to contact me.